Girl Time

Last night the girls and I welcomed Travis and Abel back home after their three day trip to St. Louis.  While they were away watching the Cardinals play baseball, we...

...ate hot dogs and baked beans for supper (one of Amariah's choice meals--and mine, too!).

...turned the air conditioner in the house from 73 to 75.  (Unlike my husband, I'm not a big fan of rooms that feel air conditioned.)

...had a chance to talk to each other (because Abel wasn't here to fill the air with his incessant chatter). :-)

...took a long walk and enjoyed the sounds of the outdoors.  (You should have seen me--carrying one and pushing two, I must have been quite the sight!) :-)

...worked on potty training...

...and obedience training...

...and attitude training.

...prayed together that God will make us into the women He desires for us to be.

...went shopping without spending money.  (If I would have had a dollar for every "You've got your hands full" and "You're a busy mom" comment I heard, I could have spent lots of money.)

...slept through the night!  Oh, wait... that was only Amariah and Elliana.  (Isabel, our time is coming soon... right?)  ;-)

How thankful I am that God has blessed me with a "handful" of daughters!

Kids Live Here!

About a month ago my blogging friend Lynnette challenged her blog readers to take pictures of all the out of place things around the house that signal, "Kids live here!" I didn't take part in her challenge, but as I think about all the misplaced things I've just recently discovered, I'm beginning to wish I would have!

• sidewalk chalk laying on the bathroom floor
• multiple pairs of socks--and shoes--outside in the sandbox
• toys in the dresser drawer
• costume jewelry--and a cabbage patch--on my closet floor
• baby doll outfits hanging in the nursery closet
• crayon markings on the front storm door
• my stark naked son running through the backyard

These little things that might be annoying--and sometimes embarrassing (see last bullet point)--at the time are, I must admit, kind of funny in retrospect. I have to wonder what prompted Amariah to strategically place her toy kitchen stuff in Abel's dresser drawer, what Abel was thinking (or if he was thinking) when he decided to strip and head to the backyard, etc. I guess these things do more than keep me busy cleaning and training--they keep me smiling (in the long run, at least!), too. :-)

My Four Gifts

We are blessed.  I knew that children are a blessing, and I knew that twins would be a double blessing, but I never could have imagined how great that double blessing would be.  When I look at my two babies I am awed by the goodness of God.  If we must be done having children, what a way to go out--with not one baby but two to love and enjoy.  Last night, as I looked at them lying side-by-side on my lap, I said to my husband, "My joy couldn't be more full...."  They are incredible gifts, and I love them.

And then there's Abel... probably the only son we'll ever have.  He is such a big little boy.  He's smart, attentive, caring, and responsible.  He's my companion and my extra set of hands.  He is a gift, and I love him.

And Amariah.  She has such a love for life.  She's sweet, cute, silly, and fun.  She'll steal your heart in an instant.  She is a gift, and I love her.

"Behold, children are a gift of the Lord, the fruit of the womb is a reward." (Psalm 127:3)

A Different Reality

So much can happen in a year's time.  Yesterday, exactly one year after miscarrying the baby we named Ande, I was at the doctor again, this time for my six-week postpartum check-up.  It's hard to believe it has already been a year since that emotionally and physically painful night when we lost the baby we never knew, and yet it seems so much longer.  And it's hard to believe that our twins who were conceived only a couple months later are now almost seven weeks old.

A year ago--even seven weeks ago--I never imagined that Travis and I might be done having children at the ages of 25 and 26.  I knew we wouldn't be done by choice, but I didn't think we'd be done by necessity, either.

But on May 28th, when my obstetrician opened me up to deliver my babies via repeat cesarean section, we were all shocked by what he found.  Not only had my old uterine scar completely separated, but there was also virtually nothing left to the bottom of my uterus, the lining of which had thinned to the likeness of cellophane.  As a result, my obstetrician expressly stated that my uterine scar should never be tested again (i.e. I should never have another pregnancy).

Overwhelmed by the knowledge that God had just spared my babies' lives and mine and by the doctor's opinion that I need to be done having children, I wasn't able to start trying to process what all of this means for the future until just a few days ago.  When Travis and I got married, we decided that instead of using birth control, we would let God be in control.  We placed our trust in Him to open and close my womb in His time and vowed to accept as a blessing whatever He gave us.  (Thank You, God, that four years later we have four beautiful children here with us and one in heaven with You!)  But now that the circumstances have changed, we are faced with a decision that to me feels at times like a revocation of that trust which we placed in Him.  For, if we are to heed my doctor's advice to not get pregnant again, some means of birth control becomes necessary.

Even after discussing with the doctor at length yesterday the facts of what happened to my uterus and the possibly fatal consequences of getting pregnant again, I think I'm having a hard time fully accepting it all.  Maybe it just doesn't seem real to me.  Or maybe I don't want it to be real because it's not the reality I had envisioned.  It's not that I'm unhappy with having four children (I'm not) or even that there was some certain number of children that I wanted to have (there wasn't).  I just truly wanted as many children as the Lord desired to give me, and I suppose I had assumed that number would be realized over a longer span of years.

So now we have come to this point where we must reconcile trusting God with heeding wisdom and where I must accept that God's plan might look differently than what I thought it would.  I pray that God will guide us in the decisions that must be made, and I thank Him for the children He has given us.  What precious gifts they are....