Why Amariah Makes Me Smile

The older my sweet little Amariah gets, the more I see of who she is going to be. And the more I see of who she is going to be, the more I realize that she is not me. Unlike my first child who seems to be a lot like me in personality and preferences, Amariah is just uniquely herself. It is the things that make her Amariah that make me smile....

1. Her imagination is always at work. Give her most any toy, and she will enter into her own land of make-believe, carrying on lengthy two-way conversations with herself.
2. She is not attentive to detail. When asked to pick up toys, she will put them away; but it will likely be in a different way than I (or her brother) would do it.
3. She does things that often seem to me to have no rhyme or reason. She has (recently) gotten away with eating such messy foods as spaghetti and macaroni and cheese with her hands; yet, today she ate a grilled cheese sandwich with a fork.
4. She leaves traces of her make-believing self in places I don't even know she's been. I am constantly finding such things as her favorite stuffed elephant perched in a high chair "eating" fake food; two random dolls tucked under the covers of the spare bed; her purse filled with an assortment of things ranging from Barbie brushes and dollhouse figurines to shreds of kleenex and not-so-sticky stickers.

My Amariah is indeed unique. And, although I usually have no idea what is going on in that pretty little head of hers, I do know that I love her dearly for just who she is.

July 14th: A Day of Rejoicing

Today marks the two-year anniversary of my miscarriage of the baby we named Ande Lynn.  As anyone who has ever suffered the loss of a baby knows, the emotional and physical pain of miscarriage is very real and very deep.  God has, however, brought healing to our hearts through time and through His promises; and He has brought me to a point where I can now rejoice rather than mourn on this day of remembrance.  I rejoice because Ande is already with the Lord, and I rejoice because I have the hope of one day joining him/her there.

Because this day, July 14th, has become to us a day of rejoicing--and because it will always be a special day in our hearts--we have decided to use it in a way that reflects the hope that we have in Jesus.  Recently, Travis and I felt led to sponsor a child through Gospel For Asia's Bridge of Hope program, a program that gives poor boys and girls throughout South Asia an education, daily meals, and medical checkups in a Christian environment.  Through this, children (and their families) are not only introduced to Jesus, but they are also given a way out of the poverty and bondage that the Hindu caste system otherwise enslaves them to.  Since GFA's Bridge of Hope page has a "search by birthday" feature, we decided to use July 14th as our means of selecting a child to sponsor.

So, today is not only the anniversary of a loss.  It is also a sweet Indian girl's 11th birthday!  Happy birthday to Ramya!  We have not yet had any correspondence with her, but we pray for her regularly; and we hope that she will (or does) know the love of Jesus which clothes us, feeds us, and sets us free!

To God be the glory both now and forevermore!

Living WELL

I woke up this morning extremely tired. With my husband being out of town for the day, I knew this tired mommy was going to need an extra dose of grace to make it through the day well (i.e. with patience, with sufficient energy, with graceful speech, with a good attitude). And so, I simply and succinctly asked God to give me grace today.

A little while later, my friend Stacey text messaged me offering to take Abel and Amariah to Adventureland for the afternoon so that I could have a little break. Knowing how much fun the kids would have, I couldn't say no! As soon as they left, I began considering how I should spend the time, wanting to do the thing that would be most refreshing to me. I put Isabel and Elliana down for their naps, grabbed my Bible, and sat down on the couch for some "R and R" (in this case, Reading and Refreshment)!

I spent most of nap time reading through the book of 2 Corinthians, underlining the verses that stood out to me as I went along. (There were a lot of them--much to meditate on!) When I finished reading the letter in its entirety, I went back through and reread the underlined verses. As I did so, I recognized that God was speaking to me through these verses in what seemed to me a common theme: living well. Living in such a way as to not just "get through the day," but to do it well.

Dear God,

Please help me to live well. Help me to "comfort those who are in any affliction with the comfort with which [I myself am] comforted by [You]" (1:4). Help me to speak because I believe (4:13). Help me to look at not the things which are seen--the temporal--but at the things which are not seen--the eternal (4:18). Help me to have as my ambition to be pleasing to You (5:9). Help me to live not for myself but "for Him who died and rose again on [my] behalf" (5:15). Help me to "be separate" (6:17). Help me to be "sorrowful to the point of repentance" (7:9). Help me to "sow bountifully" (9:6). Help me to be she "whom the Lord commends" (10:18).

Thank You, God, for this time of refreshing by the water of Your Word. Thank You for dying that I might have life; and thank You for asking me--and equipping me--to live it well!

Amen!

An Answered Prayer

Recently, I wrote out this prayer.

Dear God,

Please take my life and use it for Your pleasure.  Often, when I stop and consider myself, I can't help but wonder what the purpose of my life is.  I feel like I'm not "doing" anything for You, and I don't like that.  And yet, I feel powerless and inadequate to change that.  God, please call me and equip me to do Your will.  I want to live this life to the fullest.  When I stand before You one day, I want to have no regrets.  I want to hear You say, "Well done, good and faithful servant."  I feel like I am far from being a good and faithful servant.  God, please change me.  Implant in me a deep desire to work for You--a desire so deep that no amount of fear can hold me back.  Replace my fear with zeal, excitement, boldness, and every other quality that the Lord's bondslave must possess.  God, I have this weakness in that I tend to tune out what's going on around me.  I get so wrapped up in my thoughts or my tasks that I become completely oblivious to my surroundings.  God, please change that about me lest I continue in this pattern and tune You out, becoming oblivious to what You are doing around me.  How terrible would that be!  God, let me be tuned in to You at all times and under all circumstances so that I don't miss Your call or even just the opportunity to commune with You.  Draw me close, God, for I desire to draw near to You.  I want to know You more.  Oh, how I look forward to the day when I will "know fully" (1 Cor 13:12)!  But until that day comes, dear God, help me to live for You.  Call me.  Equip me.  Use me.  I am Yours!

I never intended to share this prayer here, but now it seems that I must.  You see, the day after I prayed this, God began answering.  A situation arose, and I knew without a doubt that God was calling me to respond in a certain way.  In fact, I knew that my disobedience would undoubtedly lead to my regret (see Romans 14:12).  He was asking me to do something that my flesh was unwilling to do; but praise be to God, for He equipped me with the faith to obey!  It is on the heels of this that I pray...

Dear God,

I am in awe of You.... Thank You for so quickly answering my prayer and for giving me the faith to obey You.  Although it was hard, it feels good to obey Your call and to be used by You. I am so grateful to be Your bondslave, dear God.  Please continue to call me, equip me, and use me as You see fit; and give me the grace and the faith to obey!  Amen!

Kids Say, vol. 7

Abel:  "Amariah, guess what?  Our mommy works at home, and that's her office."

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At some point, Abel decided that he doesn't like tomatoes.  Instead of forcing them on him, I have instead asked him to eat just one bite of whatever we're having with tomatoes, and then I let him eat the rest without tomatoes.  Suddenly, as I was beginning to prepare our tuna sandwich supper, Abel announces, "Mommy, I want lettuce and tomato on my sandwich!  Tomatoes are so good, right?!"

5 minutes later, holding his partially eaten sandwich:  "Mommy, the tomato is sticking out.  I don't want to see the tomato."

another 5 minutes later, chewing the final bite of his sandwich:  "Mommy!  This tomato is making me sad!..."

2 seconds later:  *gag*

Okay, so maybe he doesn't think tomatoes look and taste all that great just yet; but he made up his mind to eat tomato on his sandwich, and eat tomato on his sandwich he did!  That's my boy! :-)

Different

"I wrote to you in my letter not to associate with immoral people; I did not at all mean with the immoral people of this world, or with the covetous and swindlers, or with idolaters, for then you would have to go out of the world. But actually, I wrote to you not to associate with any so-called brother if he is an immoral person, or covetous, or an idolater, or a reviler, or a drunkard, or a swindler--not even to eat with such a one. For what have I to do with judging outsiders? Do you not judge those who are within the church? But those who are outside, God judges." (1 Corinthians 5:9-13a)

Last night, Travis and I did something that we haven't done in a long time: we hung out with some people who are outside the church. Now, these aren't in-your-face-immoral type people. In fact, they are probably "good" people by the world's standards. But, they don't know Jesus.

Now, Travis and I aren't opposed to hanging out with non-Christian people in the right setting and with the right motive; but it seems that we've probably gotten pretty comfortable within the confines of our Christian bubble. For one thing, that is where our truest friendships lie--and rightly so. But for another (and I think this is true for Christians and non-Christians alike), it is easier to be yourself when you are with people who are like you.

I can't lie: there were a few moments last night when I felt uncomfortably different. And, in those moments when my differences were--at least by my perception--blatantly obvious, I found myself wishing I were back inside my bubble. It would undeniably be easier for me to always remain amongst those with whom I "fit in." But if I never go to where I'm different, then I will miss the opportunity to show unbelievers Who it is that makes me different.

Dear God, thank You for changing me. Thank you for making me different. Inasmuch as my differences will point to You, please help me to unashamedly be the changed me that I am no matter in whose company I sit. May my transformed life be a testimony unto You!

He's Still Working On Me!

He's still working on me... and I'm glad!

Recently, I was reading in my Bible from the book of James--reading it and reading it and reading it again.  For about a week I was kind of "stuck" in the book of James.  Why?  Because God was showing me things (a LOT of things!)--things that He wants to change--about myself.  And I was enjoying it and embracing it!

Sometimes when I read my Bible--and I'm sure others can relate--I feel a bit disconnected, like nothing is really striking a cord.  This hasn't been one of those times.  (Praise God!!!)  I have been totally captivated, not just by one or two verses, but by the whole letter!  It's not even something I can spell out in its entirety right now.  But, I can say this:  that in the midst of working through these five chapters of Scripture again and again, and in recognizing that there were an awful lot of things that God was pointing out to me, He brought a line from a long forgotten song to my mind.

He's still working on me to make me what I ought to be....

That single line--and the truth of it--has been replaying through my mind off and on for a week or more; and finally today I looked up the rest of the words.

Chorus:

He's still working on me to make me what I ought to be.

It took Him just a week to make the moon and the stars,

The sun and the Earth and Jupiter and Mars.

How loving and patient He must be, He's still working on me.

Verse 1:

There really ought to be a sign upon the heart,

Don't judge her yet, there's an unfinished part.

But I'll be perfect just according to His plan

Fashioned by the Master's loving hands.

Verse 2:

In the mirror of His Word reflections that I see

Make me wonder why He never gave up on me.

He loves me as I am and helps me when I pray

Remember He's the Potter, I'm the clay.

Truly, God has been showing me through "the mirror of His Word" that there are a lot of "unfinished parts" in me.  But the truth that makes that endurable is that He is still "fashioning" me "to make me what I ought to be."    Indeed, I have been gripped by God's Word and by the loving chastisement of my Father; and for that I am so thankful, because I know that "He's still working on me!"

He's Still Working On Me (by Joel Hemphill)