Good Advice and Amazing Grace

"The point at which many marriages jump the track is in over-investing in children and under-investing in the marriage." (Elizabeth George, A Woman After God's Own Heart (Eugene, Oregon: Harvest House Publishers, 2006), 94.)

Any mother of young children would probably agree that it can be hard to make your husband your number one human relationship. Children--specifically those of the preschool sort--are legitimately needy individuals whose needs are usually best met by one person: Mommy. Indeed, a mommy stays quite busy tending to the needs of her children alone, let alone those of her husband, her home, and herself. And in the busyness of our mommy-child relationships, we sometimes neglect the one that should come first--the husband-wife relationship.

When Travis and I were about to get married (and even on occasion since we've been married), Travis' mom would lovingly advise him, "Never stop dating your wife." Now on the tail end of spending the first five years of our marriage pregnant, nursing, and pregnant again, I have at last had a moment to take a deep breath and to more fully appreciate the wisdom of her advice. It is in good company with the teaching of Elizabeth Elliot who encourages women of the importance of developing a friendship with their husbands. Couples must realize that merely partnering in parental duties is not an adequate investment in their marriage. We live in a busy world, and intentional steps must be taken to maintain and to grow the husband-wife relationship.

One of the intentional steps that Travis and I make to accommodate our friendship is to put the kids to bed early. This gives us time to spend alone together--time where we and not our children are our focus. In fact, we frequently have "date nights" in our own basement while the kids are upstairs sleeping. We'll rent a movie, turn out the lights, snuggle up on the couch under a blanket, and just be together. (It may not involve dressing up and actually going somewhere; but it's easier, cheaper, and more comfortable! :-))

Our date night this weekend was spent just that way, watching one of the best movies I've seen in a while: Amazing Grace. From the back of the movie, Amazing Grace is the "inspiring story of how one man's passion and perseverance changed the world. Based on the true story of William Wilberforce, Amazing Grace follows his courageous quest to end the British slave trade. Along the way, Wilberforce meets intense opposition from members of Parliament but his minister, John Newton, a reformed slave ship captain who penned the beloved hymn "Amazing Grace," urges him to see the cause through."

My heart was truly stirred as I watched and considered the fact that not so many years ago human lives were so abused and so devalued. I found myself wondering what it would have been like to live in that day (and thankful that I didn't). And I found myself grateful for that Christian man who fought so hard to change the world.

This morning Travis and I walked into church to the indescribably beautiful sound of a choir of students who are visiting here from the Zambia International Bible College. As I, on the heels of watching Amazing Grace, watched and listened to their song of praise to God for His salvation, my heart was again stirred. I wept in thankfulness to God that because the slavery of African people--His people--has been abolished, these Brothers and Sisters in Christ could today stand before our church and minister in song of the saving grace of our great God.

Amazing Grace (How sweet the sound)

That sav'd a wretch like me!

I once was lost, but now am found,

Was blind, but now I see.

'Twas grace that taught my heart to fear,

And grace my fears reliev'd;

How precious did that grace appear,

The hour I first believ'd!

Thro' many dangers, toils and snare,

I have already come;

'Tis grace has brought me safe thus far,

And grace will lead me home.

The Lord has promised good to me.

His word my hope secures;

He will my shield and portion be,

As long as life endures.

Yes, when this flesh and heart shall fail,

And mortal life shall cease;

I shall profess, within the vail,

A life of joy and peace.

The earth shall soon dissolve like snow,

The sun forbear to shine;

But God, who call'd me here below,

Will be for ever mine.

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My Testimony

At a weathered picnic table under a tree, sitting beside one complete stranger and across from another--that is where Jesus saved me.

I think I was about 8 years of age that summer.  A friend of my younger sister's had invited us to go to Camp JOY with her and her sisters in Alma, Nebraska, not far from where we grew up.  Despite my initial reluctance to subject myself to a strange place full of strange faces--and to miss softball to boot--we went.  During the chapel service one day, the speaker asked who in the room had never asked Jesus into her heart.  I knew all about Jesus.  My parents and grandparents were Christians, we attended church and Sunday School, I loved reading stories from my children's Bible.  But, I hadn't ever asked Jesus into my heart.  So... I truthfully raised my hand.  The next thing I knew, those of us who had dared be so honest were being called to action.  My immediate thoughts were, "Oh no!  What have I done?!  Was it a trick question?  I said I've never asked Jesus into my heart, not that I'm ready to ask Jesus into my heart!"  Afraid, I walked to the back of the chapel with the other boys and girls who had raised their hands, and I along with one other girl was paired up with one of the camp counselors.

The three of us found a private place to sit and talk--a weathered picnic table sitting under the shade of a large tree.  I don't remember what exactly we talked about, but I do remember that as we talked, my feelings of fear were replaced with a longing for Jesus.  The other girl and I both prayed, confessing Jesus as Lord and Savior and asking Him to come into our hearts.  I remember the feeling of inexpressible joy that filled me.  It was unexplainable to me, but I liked it... and I didn't want it to ever go away.

Years passed by, and despite my lack of growth as a Christian, the Source of my joy never left me.  I went through school a "good" girl with good morals and a strong conscience; and I was known and respected for that.  It wasn't until after high school that I discovered that this, and not my faith in God, was all I was known for.

You see, it wasn't until after high school that I really began drawing near to God.  My first semester of college I was taking a required course called Introduction to Biblical Studies, and much of my homework for that class was simply reading assigned portions of Scripture. Although I had been a Christian for many years, I had never read much of the Bible; and as I did so for that class, I was amazed by what a wealth of knowledge and wisdom God's Word contains. At the end of that semester I began my own plan to read through the entire Bible in one year. The more of God's Word that I read, the greater my desire to know Him grew. I longed for Him to reveal more of Himself to me and confessed in prayer that I wanted to know Him more.  It was in that time of deep longing and searching that God began to teach me a valuable lesson:  "Draw near to God and He will draw near to you" (James 4:8a).  And that is what I did--and am doing.

More years have passed, bringing along with them the ups and the downs; but one thing--One Person--has remained constant through it all.  The Joy that filled my heart that fateful day at Camp JOY is here to stay.  It is Him that I love.  It is Him that I live for.  It is Him that I look for.  One day He Himself will descend from heaven with a shout, with the voice of the archangel and with the trumpet of God, and those who are in Christ will be caught up together to meet Him in the air and to live with Him forever (1 Thessalonians 4:16-17).  On that Day, this story--my testimony to Him--will be finally complete.  Until then, I will continue to write it with my life.

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Homeschooling: Bonding While Learning!

We are now in our sixth week of homeschooling with Sonlight, and while the initial over-excitement which drove Abel to lay out the next day's special clothes every night at bedtime and to urgently wake me up in the morning with, "School, Mom!" has worn off, all of us are still looking forward to--and loving--every moment of school.

As I was telling Travis a few days ago, I can tell that homeschooling has already been good for our family.  Abel and Amariah both seem to be becoming more well-mannered, Amariah is becoming more self-motivated and more articulate, and Isabel and Elliana are becoming book-lovers by observation.  All of this, I believe, directly relates to the increased amount of purposeful time the kids and I are spending together (which is, of course, a perk for me, too!).

It is in part this purposeful togetherness which the Sonlight curriculum fosters that has made homeschooling such a blessing and enjoyment to us all.  The time we spend side-by-side on the couch with a stack of great books has become for all of us a special time of bonding, learning, laughing, and loving; and I wouldn't trade that for the world!

A Few Changes

I've been busy... messing with my blog, that is! After 2 1/2 years, "Angela's Blog" finally has a name. :-) Eternal Outlook is the name of the website that houses both Travis' blog and mine and was in fact named such based on the content and focus of our blogs. Therefore, it only seems appropriate that angela.eternaloutlook.com also be named "Eternal Outlook." Check out my new About Me page, linked at the top of my blog header, for a brief explanation of my blog's new name! Also accessible from that link bar is My Bookshelf--books I have read or am currently reading and which I highly recommend--and My Testimony.

Lesson Learned

This morning I was excited to go to church. Having missed the service for the past three Sundays due first to being out of town and then to illness, I was extra ready to worship God in the corporate setting today.

After a great morning of waking up to smiling faces, coming downstairs to an already prepared breakfast (Thank you, honey!), and leaving the house ON TIME (even a little early!), we arrived at church a happy family. Travis and I worked together to get the kids dropped off in their respective classes, and somewhere in the midst of that, I lost track of him. Not sure where he had gone, I hesitantly headed on in to the sanctuary and remained standing in the back, knowing that, wherever he was, he would find me there.

In a short while, he caught up with me, making his way into the sanctuary; and we found a seat as the worship service began. Out of curiosity, I leaned over and whispered to Travis, "What happened to you?" His less than gracious reply came just as the congregation was asked to stand and join in singing. Travis stood, but I didn't. I didn't feel like it. I was "hurt" and "offended" and I "didn't deserve" to be treated that way and the last thing I wanted to do was to stand and worship God and get over it and blah, blah, blah.... So I sat and sang half-heartedly while I wrestled with the irony of how excited I had been to gather with the Church in worship and yet how unwilling I momentarily felt to participate in it.

At the end of that song, the congregation was told to be seated; and as Travis took his seat next to me, I coldly turned my shoulder from him and refused to let my eyes meet his, all the while thinking, "I'm going to make him realize that he mistreated me!" I sat there like that, separated from my husband by the invisible wall I had constructed between us, when suddenly God spoke to my heart. "Stop trying to be his conscience. Don't you believe Me?" Immediately, I repented of my actions and my attitude and silently resolved to let it go and to let God deal with Travis IF he saw fit. Exactly following that instant, Travis leaned over and put his arm around me, pulling me to him in what felt to me like a silent apology. I smiled inside as I thanked God for His timing, realizing that apologies are so much better when made and accepted with right hearts.

Tonight, I picked up Created to Be His Help Meet by Debi Pearl and began reading from the chapter at which I had left off many months ago. Chapter 7 is entitled "Wisdom--While There is Yet Hope." A couple pages into this chapter, I read, "When God gave Eve to Adam, he was giving him a helper, not a conscience. Adam already had a conscience before his wife was created" (pg. 67); and I smiled at God. A few pages later, Debi poses the question, "Were you mad at your husband this week over something he did, like... speaking to you rudely...? Did you seethe with bitterness and intentionally avoid looking into his eyes so as to express your disdain? You know what I am talking about. You remember the ugliness of your own heart and soul" (pg. 72). Yes, I did remember. And, I smiled at God again.

That same chapter is subtitled with the following statement: "A wise woman is always learning. She is open to change. She is ready to hear. She pursues knowledge."

Thank You, God, for giving me the wisdom to HEAR and to CHANGE. And thank You for forgiving the ugliness of my heart this morning!

Grace and Good Medicine

It must be that time of year again. Everyone seems to have illnesses running through their families. We had our round of it last week. Each of the kids took his/her turn running fevers and requiring a lot of extra rest; and with my motherly love and compassion kicked into high gear as I cuddled and comforted my sick children, I found myself praying, "Please, God. Let me not get sick."

When I was growing up and would come down with an illness, I remember my own mom always saying, "Oh, I'd give anything to be the one sick instead of you." How selfless! How loving! But that's not what I was saying to my kids. It broke my heart to see them not feeling well, but the thought of me feeling like they did scared me. After all, mommies don't get Sick Days. "God, please let me not get sick. How will I care for these four kids if I get sick?"

Well, sure enough, I got sick. I knew for sure when I went to bed Sunday night that things weren't looking good. Travis would be back to work the next day, and I would be on my own with four small, dependent children. The thought of having to serve them when I knew all I would want to do is lay around and sleep brought a feeling a dread. My prayer turned from "God, please let me not get sick" to "God, please give me grace to get through this."

Sure enough, He did (and is). When Travis got to work Monday morning with the hopes of being able to come home early to help me, he discovered that his office was having Internet issues and had only four working ports for five people. They actually needed someone to leave and to work from home so that everyone would have Internet connection. So, Travis headed home around noon and picked up lunch for all of us on his way. I fed myself and went straight back to the couch to sleep while Travis did my job and his own. Thank You, God, for giving me grace!

Tuesday morning I still wasn't feeling any better, and I knew there was no chance of Travis being able to stay home. However, by God's grace, the kids slept in about an hour later than usual and then compliantly laid down for naps only three hours later when I just couldn't stay awake any longer. And, the same scenario played out today, as well. Thank You, God, for giving me grace!

This evening, it was the cheerful phone call from my friend Amber and the joy and laughter of my children through which God's grace came. Tonight, I truly experienced the truth of Proverbs 17:22a: "A joyful heart is good medicine." Thank You, God, for giving me grace--and good medicine!

I'm still not feeling up to par, but tomorrow is a new day! Instead of dreading it, I will be rejoicing in it! For, God has shown me once again that, "The Lord's lovingkindnesses indeed never cease, for His compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is Your faithfulness" (Lamentations 3:22-23)!

15-Month Stats

Wednesday I took Isabel and Elliana to their 15-month well child exams.  Their stats are as follows!

Isabel (15 months)
Weight:  16 lbs 9.8 oz (< 3rd percentile)
Height:  29 in (10th-25th percentile)
Head Circumference:  45 cm (25th percentile)

Elliana (15 months)
Weight:  19 lbs 8.2 oz (5th percentile)
Height:  30 1/2 in (50th percentile)
Head Circumference:  46 cm (50th percentile)

I've been wondering how Isabel and Elliana's sizes compare to our older daughter Amariah (who was also small at birth even though born at 39 4/7 weeks gestation); so I pulled out Amariah's 12-month and 15-month stats.  So, just for fun...

Amariah (12 months)
Weight:  18 lbs 12 oz (10th-25th percentile)
Height:  29 in (50th percentile)

Amariah (15 months)
Weight:  21 lbs (10th-25th percentile)
Height:  30 1/2 in (50th percentile)