Falling Apart Just to Hold It Together

I've changed... temporarily and necessarily.  There are some things about me that are different now than they were five months ago.  Becoming a mommy of twins has required some adjustments--neither good nor bad, just necessary.  I just started noticing some of the changes this season of life ("season" = breastfeeding and caring for twin infants and getting no more than three hours of sleep in any one interval) has produced in me.  Anyone who knew me pre-children would probably think I've fallen apart (lol!)--and maybe by the world's standards, I have--but the way I look at it, I've really just done some necessary shedding in an effort to hold it all together!

I've had to become okay with the fact that I don't look quite the same in my pre-pregnancy clothes as I used to (Granted, it's slightly easier to be okay with this since I plan on it being a temporary change! :-)), and the fact that an earlier bedtime has become slightly more important to me than a spotless kitchen (It can wait until morning, right?...), and the fact that I now need a little more help from my husband.  I've had to become okay with the fact that I cannot figure out how to fit a trip to the gym into my daily routine, and the fact that church and grocery shopping and doctor appointments are the only things I leave the house for, and the fact that I am tired all the time.  I've had to become okay with the fact that sometimes it's easier and more practical to wear the same outfit two days in a row, and the fact that I don't have time to fix my hair and makeup or even to take a look in the mirror on my way out the door.

In fact, maybe I've become a little TOO okay with that last point.  There have been numerous times that I've rushed out the door for a timed trip to the grocery store in between the babies' feedings and then realized while in route that I have no idea what clothes I even have on, let alone what my hair looks like.  And when the momentary feeling of panic passes, my next thought is, Who cares.... I'm on the job.

The funny thing is, though, that I used to care.  When we were first married I drove my husband crazy with my having to change my clothes and redo my hair and touch up my makeup before we could go anywhere.  So what has happened to me now?  Don't get me wrong.  I'm not a total slob... most days.... And I really do care what I look like.  But I guess that in the process of trying to hold it together, I've had to temporarily--and necessarily--let myself do a bit of "falling apart."

Hear me right on this.  I'm not complaining.  I am totally content with and blessed by my circumstances (Well, except for the part where my clothes don't fit right. (Ha!)  My husband keeps reminding me, "Honey.  You just had TWINS.); and I am thankful that by God's grace I have been able to make the necessary adjustments to not just "cope" during this season but to manage it well and to thoroughly enjoy every moment of it.